I passed the year mark. I did it. I have not been one year cancer free but I have been one year living a life I knew I would hate and doing it anyway.
I don't hate my life. I hate the circumstances I am living in. Do you watch the Handmaid's Tale? Do you remember that scene where Offred was talking about reduced circumstances? That's how I feel. My circumstances have been reduced. I am no longer free to live with careless abandon and freedom. I am smaller. My world is more limited. I know too much. Have seen too much. But there are things that I can still be grateful for. I have hot coffee...a cupcake for lunch...music that makes me want to dance and books that make me want to cry...today the wind is blowing so hard I stood outside in it and imagined that it could blow my very soul free of the burdens of my body.
2 more cycles of chemo to go. Will I always be this tired? I hope not.
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